Parenting Collective
Book a Free Chat

Home › Learning Hub › Sleep & Settling

Check Your Child’s Sleep Before You Worry About Behaviour

If your child is struggling with behaviour, big emotions or focus, sleep is the first place to look. In this video Donna explains how tiredness shows up as “bad behaviour”, the signs that sleep is the real issue, and what to change first.

Parenting Teenagers | Conscious Parenting – A Real, Authentic Conversation with a mum & daughter

Parenting Teenagers | Conscious Parenting – A Real, Authentic Conversation with a mum & daughter

  • August 29, 2026
Conscious parenting starts with curiosity. Listening to your child’s experience can help you understand what you may not see from the outside. • An “easy” or compliant child can still be struggling. Quiet children need connection and gentle check-ins too. • Parenting a child with ADHD means recognising their strengths while supporting their individual learning and emotional needs. • Supporting a child with anxiety begins with taking their fears seriously, even when those fears do not make sense to us. • Bedtime can bring worries to the surface. Children may need comfort and connection before they can settle. • Friendship struggles and pressure to fit in can lead children to hide parts of themselves. Home can be a place where they feel accepted as they are. • Supporting teenage mental health means looking beyond behaviour, keeping conversations open and seeking professional help when needed. • Building a strong parent and child relationship does not require perfect parenting. Owning our mistakes, repairing and changing how we respond all matter.

Chapters

A Real, Authentic Conversation | Parenting Teenagers | Conscious Parenting: A Mother and Daughter’s Journey Through ADHD, Anxiety and Connection

How can conscious parenting help us understand what our children are really experiencing? In this personal episode of The Parenting Collective podcast, I sit down with my daughter Eloise for an honest mother and daughter conversation about childhood, school, friendships and teenage mental health.

Together, we explore parenting a child with ADHD, supporting a child with anxiety and building a strong parent and child relationship. Through our different memories of the same experiences, we reflect on how connected parenting helped us change our approach and understand each other more deeply.

This episode includes personal experiences of depression and suicidal thoughts. Please consider your wellbeing before listening.

What Is Conscious Parenting in Everyday Family Life?

For me, conscious parenting has involved looking beyond behaviour and becoming more aware of my own expectations, fears and reactions. Our conscious parenting journey has meant questioning what we thought our children should do and becoming more curious about who they actually are.

We discuss how mindful parenting and parenting with empathy can create space for honest conversations. Rather than having every answer, emotionally aware parenting asks us to listen and stay open to learning.

Understanding Your Child’s Feelings Beyond Their Behaviour

Eloise was often described as an easy child. Yet our conversation shows why understanding your child’s feelings requires more than noticing whether they cooperate.

We explore emotional safety for children, childhood people pleasing and the importance of helping children express emotions. A quiet child may still need reassurance, support and opportunities to share what feels difficult.

Parenting a Child With ADHD and Different Learning Needs

Eloise reflects on her ADHD diagnosis, learning difficulties at school and the experience of receiving extra classroom support. We share how understanding ADHD in children changed the way we viewed her challenges and strengths.

For families exploring parenting neurodivergent children, this conversation offers a personal perspective on supporting individual needs without losing sight of the whole child.

Supporting Neurodivergent Children Without Comparison

We discuss celebrating children’s strengths, nurturing creativity in children and supporting children who feel different. Eloise’s love of music, sport and practical activities was an important part of her identity.

Our experience also highlights why building confidence in children involves more than academic results. Supporting children’s self-esteem means noticing their effort, interests and qualities alongside the areas where they need help.

Supporting a Child With Anxiety and Bedtime Worries

Childhood anxiety became a significant part of Eloise’s experience. We talk about emetophobia in children, worries about school camp and the challenges of anxiety at bedtime.

Through these memories, we reflect on responding to children’s fears with understanding. Supporting an anxious child involved professional guidance, practical planning and learning what helped her feel supported.

Connection Before Correction During Difficult Moments

Eloise shares how she experienced my responses when nighttime worries brought her looking for comfort. It is an honest reminder that parental self-awareness matters, especially when we are tired or overwhelmed.

We explore connection before correction, responsive parenting and managing parental reactions. Learning how to respond to an anxious child sometimes begins with slowing down enough to hear what they are trying to tell us.

Parenting Teenagers Through Friendship Problems and Social Pressure

We discuss teenage friendship problems, feeling excluded at school and the pressure to fit in. Eloise describes hiding parts of herself while searching for belonging.

Supporting teenagers through social challenges can mean listening without rushing into solutions. Our conversation explores authentic self-expression, parent and teen communication and staying connected when children seem withdrawn.

Supporting Teenage Mental Health With Connection and Professional Help

Eloise speaks about depression and suicidal thoughts during her teenage years. We reflect on accessing professional support and the importance of taking a young person’s distress seriously.

These are our personal experiences. Family connection was one part of the wider care and support she needed.

Building a Stronger Parent and Child Relationship Through Repair

This episode explores repairing after parenting mistakes, breaking old parenting patterns and strengthening family relationships.

For us, conscious parenting continues to mean listening, taking responsibility and making room for each child’s experience. Join us for a conversation about love, understanding and finding hope through difficult seasons.

[Verbatim line from the episode, 15–30 words: the one sentence a parent would screenshot.]
Donna Moala · 06:12
[Verbatim line from the episode, 15–30 words: the one sentence a parent would screenshot.]
Donna Moala · 06:12
Donna Moala Conscious Parenting and Sleep Coach
Content note: This episode includes discussions around ADHD, anxiety, mental health, and emetophobia. Please listen with care.** This episode is deeply personal — and one of the most meaningful conversations I’ve ever recorded. In Through My Eyes, Through Yours, I sit down with my daughter for an honest mother–daughter conversation about growing up with ADHD, anxiety, and feeling different in a world that doesn’t always understand neurodivergent kids. We talk openly about the parts of childhood and adolescence that often go unseen: – Being labelled “the easy child” and the pressure that comes with it – Staying back in pre-primary and how that shaped confidence – Growing up neurodivergent and learning to mask to fit in – ADHD, anxiety, emetophobia, and mental health – High school, friendships, exclusion, and identity – Medication, self-advocacy, and removing shame – What helped, what hurt, and what we wish we’d known sooner

Keep reading

Eloise, my darling girl. Hi, Mom.
2 seconds
Welcome to the Parenting Collective podcast. Thank you for having me.
8 seconds
So, today we are very excited, both of us, mostly myself, um to have a mom, daughter, mother daughter chitchat as we
16 seconds
do often. Um but really asking you particular times in our lives where
23 seconds
they’ve been pivotal for me as a mom and what I had been through and what I saw things as. and then asking you how
31 seconds
you felt as a child and all the things that had happened um to to lead you where you are now which is a 20-year-old woman.
39 seconds
Um and you know again you should be so proud of yourself. I know we’ve talked about this so much but the journey that we’ve been through has been a lot which we’ll delve into today.
50 seconds
And you know, at the ripe old age of 18, you were really open to start talking about that. And we were interviewed with
57 seconds
20 talk and I remember driving down there going, “We don’t need to do this.
1 minute, 1 second
If you don’t want to.” Um, and you were just so amazing cuz you went, “No, mom, I want to. If I need to, if I want to help other people, I need to talk about it.”
1 minute, 9 seconds
And I was like, “Oh, my heart.” And again, we went there with no expectations of questions or whatever.
1 minute, 16 seconds
But for you and I both, it’s all about sharing our stories and being vulnerable to help others.
1 minute, 22 seconds
And there’s a new um person that’s been in our life recently who we love. Um and just talking about different people’s
1 minute, 29 seconds
upbringings and having, you know, people come into our homes that haven’t been friends for a long time, so boyfriends and girlfriends and things. It’s really
1 minute, 37 seconds
interesting to see how they’ve been raised and how their parents have dealt with life because no judgment, everyone’s doing the best they can. Um,
1 minute, 44 seconds
but I think on reflection with how hard it was at times, I think we should be both be proud of ourselves. Yeah. High five.
1 minute, 51 seconds
Aren’t you?
1 minute, 53 seconds
Too far away. Um, so today is just a beautiful conversation um to hopefully
1 minute, 59 seconds
moms and dads out there and also um moms and dads hearing this because it’s obviously podcasts. Not all kids would
2 minutes, 6 seconds
listen to my podcasts. Um, but maybe that you’ll have so many fantastic insights about your journey and like I
2 minutes, 14 seconds
said, your authenticity and vulnerability to share and that the parents can um maybe let the kids listen to it as well because I think coming
2 minutes, 22 seconds
from your view and everything you’ve gone through is going to help other kiddos in the same spot, the young teens and stuff like that.
2 minutes, 31 seconds
Okay. So, um, as a little girl, God, I know we’re going to go right back there, but I do want to share the story
2 minutes, 39 seconds
and make show share the narrative of of where we came from because, um, as a little girl, you were just so easygoing,
2 minutes, 48 seconds
really happy, and seriously did not have a tantrum. I know people go, “Sure, you didn’t. You really didn’t. You were just a really
2 minutes, 56 seconds
I can’t remember it. I know on my view and dad’s view, very compliant, which we thought, “Oh gosh, we’re such good parents.” But your person, you know,
3 minutes, 3 seconds
your personality was just really easy breezy, you know. Um you were really quirky and cute and um loved music and guitars and
3 minutes, 12 seconds
singing and um you used to have a lot of um ear infections and we didn’t know that that sort of affected your speech.
3 minutes, 18 seconds
And so looking back, we can kind of hear what you were saying and you knew everything we were saying, but you you weren’t clear with your words, but you
3 minutes, 25 seconds
just chat away. Um, and used to love always be obsessed with dress dressing in the Greg yellow outfit. Yeah. Do you remember that?
3 minutes, 34 seconds
Everywhere. And I do remember as parents and particularly as a mom, I was always very um very aware of letting you be
3 minutes, 41 seconds
your authentic self. And that might have times looked a bit strange to other people or like you know why haven’t you made her wear a dress or why haven’t you
3 minutes, 49 seconds
made her Well, you did.
3 minutes, 51 seconds
Well, dad did that sometimes. It was so funny.
3 minutes, 54 seconds
We have to share that story. But again, your authenticity. We really didn’t want to dull that light.
4 minutes
This is obviously when you were three and four and such an awesome, lovely kid, very social and carefree and happy and very much love playing by herself
4 minutes, 8 seconds
and um lots of um what’s the word? um imagination and stuff like that. You were very much um like that. So cute. Um but yeah, talking about the dress thing.
4 minutes, 19 seconds
So when you were a kid, you always used to um cuz you’ve got all these cousins.
4 minutes, 23 seconds
We’ve got nine cousins um and we’ve got all girl cousins that have grown up um in the same suburbs going to the same
4 minutes, 31 seconds
schools and same high school which has been amazing and we’ve loved it and but you know all all the kids all the girls are very different. M. So, when we used
4 minutes, 40 seconds
to have family dinners, you’re going to probably hate this and want me to edit it out, but um it was amazing cuz we’d have family dinners every week and um you always used to put on a show.
4 minutes, 51 seconds
Oh, yeah. Like the dance shows.
4 minutes, 53 seconds
Yes, the dance shows and the and the any type of you know, plays and used to always play the boy. Oh, okay.
5 minutes
No. Yeah. Yeah, I do.
5 minutes, 2 seconds
Do you remember that? I do. And we have so much video footage, but we video footage. I don’t remember it. But you don’t remember it?
5 minutes, 7 seconds
No, I don’t really. Oh, I do kind of, but mostly through the videos.
5 minutes, 13 seconds
Yeah. So, again, this is just to build the narrative of where life has has led us. But, um, and we we we just thought it was really cute. Um, you were quite
5 minutes, 21 seconds
tomboyish, you know, very very good at sports, like always in sort of high level sports, playing with the boys, but you were friends with boys and girls,
5 minutes, 28 seconds
but yeah, the dress thing, um, we’d go to church. Um, and your dad being Catholic, not myself, um, was, you
5 minutes, 37 seconds
know, we didn’t go to church all the time, but special occasions, and he would get pretty upset that you wouldn’t want to wear a dress.
5 minutes, 43 seconds
And as you got older, I think you might have been seven or eight. Was I that old?
5 minutes, 47 seconds
I think you and um, he was getting a bit upset. He’s like, “Come on, just wear a dress to church. Please wear a dress to church.” And you were so upset, but you
5 minutes, 56 seconds
were such a compliant child um that you jumped in the pool. Yeah.
6 minutes, 1 second
Do you remember that? in the in the dress.
6 minutes, 3 seconds
And I went, “Dave, you can’t make her put on the dress, can you?” But you did, didn’t I can’t remember, actually. I think we did.
6 minutes, 11 seconds
Yeah.
6 minutes, 12 seconds
Bad parenting. Bad parenting. But again, you know, like we tried to do our best to let you be yourself.
6 minutes, 17 seconds
But again, it’s all conditioning with life and what other people think. And you know, when we were young parents, you know, now I we really don’t give a [ __ ] what people think in regards to our
6 minutes, 26 seconds
family. you know, your dad and I have worked really hard to um, you know, keep our family connected and, you know, at
6 minutes, 34 seconds
times we’ve probably been judged with our parenting, but um, it’s worked. It’s worked so far and we’ve had some really tough times, but on the other side of
6 minutes, 42 seconds
it, we you know, you you’re you’re really thriving and other girls are at the moment week by week.
6 minutes, 48 seconds
Um, so yeah, as a kid, that’s what you were like. Always very different. Then through um, schooling, you were a June baby.
6 minutes, 55 seconds
Yeah. which means you were the youngest of the year. So you started at three and a half in kindi. So you were very Yeah.
7 minutes, 2 seconds
Wow. Okay. Young. Okay. Yeah.
7 minutes, 4 seconds
So you really young. You love to play a lot. Um so you weren’t wanting to sit down and learn the alphabet or learn how to write
7 minutes, 12 seconds
and love the coloring in there. I know that was good. You’re very good at coloring in and art.
7 minutes, 17 seconds
But um then you know we were doing what again society and conditioning was like you have to go to ki and you have to do
7 minutes, 24 seconds
this and you have to be writing your name by this t time and I was pretty strict on myself as a mom of like doing
7 minutes, 30 seconds
the right thing. Um, so you did, you know, totally fine in kind, totally fine in pre- primary, but
7 minutes, 38 seconds
as we went through pre- primary, we started to notice that you weren’t able to keep up with the other kids academically, which again, this was on
7 minutes, 46 seconds
us because it was like, well, she needs to be doing this and she needs to be doing that. And we’re like, okay, thinking, okay, she needs to do that.
7 minutes, 53 seconds
The school was great and it wasn’t like you were that far behind, but you were just a kid that wanted to keep playing. And you know, I probably would liken it to if you’ve got
8 minutes, 1 second
a a a boy who just wants to play and not sit down and have to write his name. Yeah.
8 minutes, 6 seconds
So, by the end of pre- primary, um the teachers asked us to come in and I was heavily pregnant with Izzy and um again,
8 minutes, 14 seconds
I’ll ask you what you remember of this, but um they suggested you redoing pre- primary. Yeah.
8 minutes, 20 seconds
And we were like, and my mama brain was like society, like what’s everyone going to think? what’s all these moms in kind pre- primary that
8 minutes, 28 seconds
I’ve become friends with you know what poor Eloise all her friends are going to go into year one so I as a mom was thinking all of this but the I wanted
8 minutes, 38 seconds
what was best for you and so the teacher said she’s such a gorgeous kid but she’s just would need another year so then we made the decision for you to
8 minutes, 46 seconds
redo pre- primary um and my question to you is um on reflection And at that
8 minutes, 56 seconds
time, because you’re only like four or five, can you remember having to redo it? And the was was that something that
9 minutes, 5 seconds
you feel was a good thing at the time or was it really bad for you?
9 minutes, 10 seconds
Like a good thing at the time of So what what I reflect on was trying to keep myself together in going into back into pre- primary when everyone else was
9 minutes, 19 seconds
going to year one out of the the Yeah. pre- primary gates and you were coming in in your in your kinder pre-
9 minutes, 26 seconds
primary uniform and someone in particular won’t name names who was a bully. Um, and I’m going to use that word cuz she was um, and
9 minutes, 35 seconds
continued to be was like, “Why are you in Why are you going back there for, you know, and made you feel like crap and I literally wanted to Don’t say that.
9 minutes, 44 seconds
I’m not going to I wouldn’t I wouldn’t have had a child, but I was heavily pregnant and I didn’t want to cry in front of you cuz you were being so
9 minutes, 52 seconds
brave.” And so I had to walk you through the gates, which is right near year one, where all your mates from the pre- primary next year were in their big kids uniform.
10 minutes
Can you remember that? Oh, you blacked out. No, I can’t remember it because I remember you. Well, at the time I didn’t really
10 minutes, 8 seconds
understand it because again, how old was I? Five. Yeah. So, I didn’t really understand it.
10 minutes, 14 seconds
You were just like, “Oh, you’re going to be staying like in primary, you know, it’s only for a year.
10 minutes, 20 seconds
You’ll still see your friends and everything like that, but they’re, you know, you you’ll be staying back.” And I just I don’t know. I don’t think I react. I don’t I can’t remember.
10 minutes, 29 seconds
I don’t think I reacted to it. you you are amazing. Like you have through all of these trials and tribulations been very um resilient and I think it’s
10 minutes, 37 seconds
something you you naturally have. Um and I’ve always tried to control my emotions when you’re okay cuz
10 minutes, 45 seconds
you’ve been okay way more than I have at times. Um, so for me that’s actually really great to hear because I know
10 minutes, 53 seconds
moving through time there were things that I saw like even just with um classmates and I’m like well should she have been in that
11 minutes
year still socially? Um but I think academically I needed Oh totally you know and not that we would ever have expected you to
11 minutes, 9 seconds
go to uni or anything like that but you you’re going to uni you’re doing criminology and you know you should be so proud. So you always did the best you
11 minutes, 18 seconds
could but I I wonder I mean you know you can’t go in the past but I I do think academically if you were forced to go through you wouldn’t you wouldn’t have been ready.
11 minutes, 26 seconds
No. No.
11 minutes, 27 seconds
And I don’t think it’s a choice for parents these days. Is it not?
11 minutes, 31 seconds
No. I think kids just have to go through. I don’t think they’ll allow Isn’t the the cut off changed didn’t it? No. It’s the same.
11 minutes, 36 seconds
Right. No. I remember it. I remember I remember this really because in the playground they had a um
11 minutes, 45 seconds
I don’t know tiny little swing set in the underneath the playground. Yeah.
11 minutes, 50 seconds
And it was I I think it was a the second day of pre- primary.
11 minutes, 57 seconds
I remember I kind of just hung around the teachers for a bit and then they were I don’t know the teacher had to take a kid to I don’t know to the toilet or something and so I went to sit on the
12 minutes, 5 seconds
swings and I remember cuz the gate is directly near year one
12 minutes, 11 seconds
near year one and also the massive oval but that was the only thing that pre- prim was the only um part of the school that was gated off.
12 minutes, 21 seconds
That’s right. Yeah. And um some of my friends that went up to
12 minutes, 29 seconds
year one had come up to the gate and they and I was just kind of and I didn’t move. I cuz I was just like they like Ell what are you doing in there?
12 minutes, 36 seconds
Like why are you in there? What are you doing? I know.
12 minutes, 38 seconds
Cuz I didn’t understand it. No one really understood. No.
12 minutes, 41 seconds
And I just kind of just I just sat there and swung. I was in my own world. But then it was also very like I think at the time I was
12 minutes, 50 seconds
like trying to process it. Yeah.
12 minutes, 52 seconds
But do you feel like it was the right decision? Yeah.
12 minutes, 54 seconds
Yeah. That’s good. And I think um again for parents that hear this, this is why this conversation I want to have is that if people are feeling that um their
13 minutes, 3 seconds
kiddo is just not quite ready. I don’t know if it is a choice. It might even be a choice not to start kindi as early like do it. You know, I think you can delay them starting kindi.
13 minutes, 12 seconds
Don’t be pushed by society to do what you think’s right when you know your kiddo. And there was, you know, you had had lots of um hearing issues with the
13 minutes, 19 seconds
with your ears and stuff like that. Um with lots of infections and you were just a carefree kind of kiddo, so you weren’t quite ready, you know. Um and that’s the thing is have this
13 minutes, 28 seconds
conversation is like if parents have that gut feeling, just do what you feel right for the child, not for what society thinks. I think that’s the biggest thing.
13 minutes, 35 seconds
Yeah, I agree.
13 minutes, 36 seconds
Um you know, and like I said, take for me it’s always been me holding myself together cuz you were fine, you know.
13 minutes, 43 seconds
Um, so in regards to that then with friendships and stuff like you were always liked but you didn’t kind of have
13 minutes, 52 seconds
a bestie as as such did you? And how did you how did you feel like that through primary school? Did that bother you or you quite okay?
14 minutes, 1 second
Yeah.
14 minutes, 2 seconds
Well I through I throughout my whole high school life as well like I never had one singular you know.
14 minutes, 8 seconds
Yeah. Um I think maybe when I was in the the second like half of
14 minutes, 17 seconds
yeah of um pre- primary I think me being separated from my friends. Not
14 minutes, 26 seconds
saying that it was a bad thing or anything like that but it kind of set me back in social interaction cuz I didn’t really know I was trying to figure out what was going on and why my friends were over there.
14 minutes, 35 seconds
Totally. And I didn’t want to meet new friends because they were still my friends at the time because you know you had those one in primary school you had those just that one group
14 minutes, 42 seconds
and that that’s what I wor and so that kind of like I got along with everybody I just did like but you never flo
14 minutes, 50 seconds
you did and but that that also broke your heart a little bit sometimes I think because people liked you but you weren’t sort of like the fifth friend so if like things were happening you just
14 minutes, 58 seconds
wouldn’t be invited to things and that started then. So when that sort of was happening through primary school, can you sort of start remembering when you
15 minutes, 8 seconds
started to feel like you might be a little bit different in regards to learning, in regards to friendships, in regards to or it just wasn’t something that you really thought about.
15 minutes, 18 seconds
Probably when it kind of I always knew in a way meaning just because well
15 minutes, 25 seconds
writing in general I was I I just couldn’t do it and I I wouldn’t get frustrated at myself. I’d give up. Oh, so you all pretty early knew that.
15 minutes, 32 seconds
Yeah, I kind of knew but I just was like, “Oh, maybe if you know, maybe I don’t know.” Yeah. You just started to notice it.
15 minutes, 38 seconds
But I the moment I the around the time I did realize was year three when the special
15 minutes, 46 seconds
helpers or something and they’d pull a selected group out of the class, mid class, and take you to another room
15 minutes, 54 seconds
and you’d all do reading or something like that.
15 minutes, 59 seconds
Um, and you’re like, “Oh, I’ve been taken out.” Yeah. Well, they would they wouldn’t come up to you and tap you on the shoulder. They’d nate they they list you
16 minutes, 7 seconds
list you. And obviously I didn’t know at the time what it really was.
16 minutes, 12 seconds
I didn’t want to go because again getting pulled out of class and friends as well like so you don’t want to be different different cuz all the not Okay, this is going to sound mean.
16 minutes, 22 seconds
No, not at all. Um some of them some of the other classmates and my peers um
16 minutes, 31 seconds
had worse like yeah higher needs higher higher needs and then if I was put in that selected category I kind
16 minutes, 40 seconds
of felt like oh yeah are you like that I know you’re not trying to be mean I understand what you’re saying yeah there were kids that
16 minutes, 47 seconds
had very specific needs weren’t they you know I get that and um I think even for me in that first year of pre- primary. I
16 minutes, 56 seconds
don’t know if they do it now, but they used to have like the colors of how good you were at reading and stuff, which like good on the kids that can read really well and that like good on them.
17 minutes, 5 seconds
Why use colors? I know. We understand colors.
17 minutes, 8 seconds
Oh, totally. And it was like, I mean, I don’t want to be one of those parents like you can’t have a winner or a loser because we very big on there’s winners and there’s kids that do, you
17 minutes, 16 seconds
know, whatever. But when you’re in pre- primary and you were really struggling like we were still getting we were getting speech therapy and stuff like we were doing things to try and support you.
17 minutes, 24 seconds
When did I start speech therapy?
17 minutes, 27 seconds
Cuz I did it for seven years but did but I think gosh how terrible. I think from well no that I can’t remember.
17 minutes, 34 seconds
Oh uh you were pretty young I think you know about three or four because it was delayed hearing that we didn’t know about and then we had to have the
17 minutes, 42 seconds
surgery. So I reckon about three. Yeah, I remember sitting on your lap sometimes and her like reading stuff.
17 minutes, 48 seconds
Yeah, cuz I um had an amazing lady on our podcast on my podcast um and she works with kiddos that are you know um
17 minutes, 57 seconds
sort of bit behind with reading and stuff and she was saying it’s imperative to be able to learn to read and write and maths in that pre- primary primary years. Yeah.
18 minutes, 6 seconds
Like that you could never catch up. She was kind of saying I was like that’s interesting. Um so yeah, we did all of that now. So really fast forward a
18 minutes, 14 seconds
little bit. Um so you know we you were really really comfortable in your own skin and you were you played the drums.
18 minutes, 21 seconds
You were amazing at it. Like I don’t want to share some of the funny stories but um you might die of embarrassment but you were just the coolest kid that
18 minutes, 28 seconds
was so comfortable in wearing different staff playing drums in front of the school. You were really amazing. Um and and you seemed happy and pretty carefree.
18 minutes, 38 seconds
So come up to about year six. Um and you had some fantastic teachers and sort of like mid year six that same sort of
18 minutes, 46 seconds
thing happened. They were like you know she’s struggling a little bit and and we’re like oh okay again for me I was really just worried about
18 minutes, 55 seconds
your future and the depths of everything which is just ridiculous um on reflection. Yeah.
19 minutes
And she said to me um have you ever thought that Eloise might have ADHD? And I was like, “No,
19 minutes, 8 seconds
because I thought ADHD was hyperactive.” That’s what I thought as well. So that’s why I was like, “So, yeah.” Yeah.
19 minutes, 14 seconds
And she wasn’t really meant to say that supposedly, but um it started the journey in year six, right?
19 minutes, 21 seconds
And then again, I wonder how she is.
19 minutes, 22 seconds
Yeah. She’s lovely. Yeah. She was amazing. Cuz all of these people and women women, but they were all women have been pivotal in our life and we’re
19 minutes, 30 seconds
so thankful and grateful. Um because as parents it’s very hard to let go of control when you want everything to be picket white fence narrative like
19 minutes, 39 seconds
skipping into the forest to get you know like everyone wants just a happy life and everyone’s doing well but that’s just not life right. So we’ve been
19 minutes, 47 seconds
throwing quite a few curies but it was up to us as parents to adjust to that.
19 minutes, 51 seconds
Um sometimes your dad found it a bit harder cuz he’s highly intelligent university Wednesday night math class.
19 minutes, 58 seconds
Oh my gosh that never worked at all. So many tears, wasn’t there?
20 minutes, 2 seconds
And he used to say, “I don’t think this is working, Dave.” When he was trying to get you to learn maths and you were like crying on my math, bless bless him.
20 minutes, 12 seconds
No. Yeah. Well, it’s just because we all try to do our best and I’m sure people are hopefully our generation will laugh at that because it’s just ridiculous that that was even going to
20 minutes, 21 seconds
get into your brain. But he felt that he cuz he was he’s highly intelligent.
20 minutes, 24 seconds
Oh yeah. And um and yes, so anyway um that led us into the beginning of the journey of the ADHD diagnosis with you.
20 minutes, 34 seconds
Um so again, I was like, “Wow.” Right. So it’s quite intense. It was quite intensive back then. I mean, a lot of
20 minutes, 42 seconds
people understand it now, but back then they didn’t really. Um so can you kind of remember? So we did lots of testing, psychologists, psychiatrists, all that sort of stuff.
20 minutes, 51 seconds
And you’re actually really above average with a lot of things. But with ADD or ADHD, attent is attention deficit. Yeah.
20 minutes, 58 seconds
Is that our brains me? Yes, I am one too, of course, because it is hereditary. And when we were going through all of your testing, I was like, is that not normal?
21 minutes, 8 seconds
Yeah.
21 minutes, 9 seconds
Oh. And people have heard this, you know. Um, and instead of being frightened of it or or having a diagnosis Oh, I keep whacking the microphone. Um, it was just an
21 minutes, 18 seconds
understanding. And for me, it’s been such an understanding for myself as well and to help you. Yeah.
21 minutes, 23 seconds
But when we were going through all of that, can you remember the feeling of like the diagnosis and this is what you’ve got and can you run through that with me?
21 minutes, 34 seconds
Yeah. Well, I remember I remember very vividly when he diagnosed me with it. Yeah.
21 minutes, 39 seconds
Um the process I don’t I don’t remember taking any How did you feel though? How did I feel?
21 minutes, 45 seconds
Did you feel like you were lesser? Do you feel like something was wrong? I don’t know if I remember. Well, like I can remember
21 minutes, 52 seconds
I was worried but not to the point of being like or freaking myself out about it.
21 minutes, 58 seconds
I was more like, okay, if I do have it, I’m not going to tell anyone that I have it. Yeah.
22 minutes, 3 seconds
Do you know what I do remember? I don’t know if you will remember when I got diagnosed.
22 minutes, 7 seconds
Medication. The first day I gave you medication.
22 minutes, 11 seconds
You probably can’t. I’m not going to say the name. Um but you know even to be medicated no one in our life had been
22 minutes, 18 seconds
medicated you know um you know so what’s that 8 years ago or something so you know yes it was picking up that people
22 minutes, 26 seconds
were getting diagnosed but no we’re like now you know everyone’s like everyone’s got ADD they haven’t it’s just being more aware and being conscious of it you
22 minutes, 33 seconds
know I don’t ever like you or myself going oh I’ve got ADD we actually think it’s funny don’t we like funny sometimes funny not it’s actually
22 minutes, 42 seconds
I say it’s my biggest um superpower and my biggest kryptonite and I think you’d be the same. Yeah. You are spectacular with your arts, with your music, with
22 minutes, 51 seconds
your natural abilities. Um but there are some that some things you really crap at like keeping your room clean. Mhm.
22 minutes, 58 seconds
Remembering where I put my keys, everything, keeping the drawers open.
23 minutes, 3 seconds
Is that her ADD? And I’m like, “Yes, it is.” You can tell where I’ve been in the house cuz all the drawers are on me, too. And I try so hard. or like I’ll go
23 minutes, 12 seconds
out to put some clothes on the line and there’s stinky ones from the yesterday day before. I mean, come on, Donna. Get yourself sorted. But I didn’t know I had
23 minutes, 20 seconds
it. And so I was highly functioning with so many things over my life. And what would then happen at a very young age, I’d get burnt out,
23 minutes, 29 seconds
but I wouldn’t tell anybody that because I was only in my 20s. So for me now it’s like oh okay I can be hyper I can be so focused on something and not eat all day
23 minutes, 37 seconds
which I know not is not good but then I can be the opposite of like just want to lay around watching Real Housewives you know
23 minutes, 45 seconds
that that really horrific seesaw sometimes I used to be really hard on myself but now I’m just like okay if I’m
23 minutes, 52 seconds
not on today I’m not on today and that’s I think if anyone takes away this with getting a diagnosis or your children don’t be frightened of it but find their
24 minutes
beauty and what they’re absolutely [ __ ] spectacular at rather than what they’re not. Like I’ve said this once before, it’s like asking a fish to climb a tree.
24 minutes, 11 seconds
Think of a goldfish. It’s not going to happen, is it? So it’s like asking an elephant to play a piano. Okay. What?
24 minutes, 17 seconds
Or a mathematician to play a piano, right? I can play the piano. You can play the piano. But if you were asked to
24 minutes, 25 seconds
do algebra right now, you wouldn’t be able to. Right? What I’m trying to say is when you’ve got ADD, our brains are neurot neurodeiverse, which means they
24 minutes, 33 seconds
are spectacular in very certain ways, but in other ways they’re not. So instead of looking at the lacking, what great things are you good at, right? And
24 minutes, 41 seconds
I think that’s what we’ve hopefully tried to focus on.
24 minutes, 44 seconds
But again, both having ADD were all over the place.
24 minutes, 47 seconds
Uh when I went to give the medication, of course, I was worried no one else had.
24 minutes, 52 seconds
Was this a long lasting long like long acting one?
24 minutes, 55 seconds
Yeah. I can’t even remember. No, I think it was short. We start with short. Yeah.
24 minutes, 59 seconds
But I remember giving it to you thinking, “Oh my gosh, I’m drugging my child.” And you were so because it is an illegal drug.
25 minutes, 5 seconds
Well, it’s illegal. It’s illegal. It’s It’s illegal. It’s a legal drug, but illegal. People use it illegally.
25 minutes, 14 seconds
But they do nasty stuff to it to use it illegally. Anyway, I didn’t know that, but totally. Doesn’t matter.
25 minutes, 19 seconds
So, when I went to give it to you, it’s like slow motion. And I was like, “Oh.” And then you took it and you’re so cuz you’re so compliant, lovely kid. And you went and you got a bit tearary.
25 minutes, 30 seconds
Yeah. Because I was again I I think I do remember the feeling of being scared taking it. Totally. The first time.
25 minutes, 36 seconds
But you know what you said to me? You went am I really like so and so? Yeah. Do you remember that? I remember that.
25 minutes, 43 seconds
So you were comparing comparison comparing yourself to someone else who had been diagnosed but I think I mean I
25 minutes, 50 seconds
don’t know her diagnosis but she definitely had autism or something as well. So quite a higher level of it. And I went, “Oh, sweetheart.” You as a young
25 minutes, 59 seconds
kid thought that’s what I’m going to turn into. Yeah. Not that poor.
26 minutes, 2 seconds
I thought it was a thing that gets progressive.
26 minutes, 4 seconds
Totally. So, there’s so much to deal with and have open conversations about it with a diagnosis. But the biggest thing I’d say to parents, do not think
26 minutes, 11 seconds
it’s a lack and do not make your children or not really um guide your children to not use it as a crutch. Yeah.
26 minutes, 19 seconds
Cuz you don’t. Yeah.
26 minutes, 20 seconds
If something messes up, you don’t go, “Oh, it’s my ADD.” you. We might say that, but you’re because sometimes it is. It is. It totally is. It is for me.
26 minutes, 27 seconds
Totally is. But instead of me, you know, if I had used that as a crutch my whole life, I wouldn’t be where I am now. If I went, “Oh, I can’t I can’t do that cuz
26 minutes, 35 seconds
I’ve got ADD.” No way. I’ll try it. And if I’ve failed, I’m like, “Okay.” But now I know. I’m like, “Well, that’s not my forte.”
26 minutes, 43 seconds
Um so in with with the diagnosis and then sort of going into year seven what really started to happen which was
26 minutes, 50 seconds
really [ __ ] is and this and um how lovely this happens is usually when
26 minutes, 58 seconds
you’ve got ADD it it loves to marry up with anxiety or depression stuff like that over time. Again it might not happen. I’m not saying that. So don’t
27 minutes, 6 seconds
try not to worry if your children have got ADD but other things can be activated. So in year seven uh and it already had
27 minutes, 14 seconds
started happening but we didn’t know cuz you were very good at um hiding things.
27 minutes, 18 seconds
You started to get anxiety. Your anxiety. I had anxiety before that.
27 minutes, 21 seconds
I know that, but we didn’t know. We didn’t really It started building up. I was medicated like one.
27 minutes, 26 seconds
No, I’ll remind But this is good conversation, right?
27 minutes, 30 seconds
You had started to probably end of year six, beginning of year seven. It was a So, you’ve got fight, flight, for freeze.
27 minutes, 38 seconds
That is your um your your natural is going to say it’s your amydala. It’s your body’s response to stress, right?
27 minutes, 45 seconds
So um when we can’t control it then your amygdala flips and it’s like a lion or tigers coming after you and then so
27 minutes, 53 seconds
you’re either going to freeze thorn which is go within fight or um freeze did I repeat them I don’t know and then
28 minutes, 1 second
but yours was quite subtle so you would go quiet bit more quiet and I didn’t realize that that was an anxiety and there but you’d still push yourself
28 minutes, 9 seconds
through right but then what happened I’m not laughing because it’s really bad um you started we started seeing that you
28 minutes, 18 seconds
were frightened of vomit so a metaphobia holy moly and I think I’d never heard of it before other than your cousin had had
28 minutes, 25 seconds
it um but it’s actually quite common but then we were getting going to a great counselor psychologist to try and help
28 minutes, 33 seconds
you with your tools because you were such a compliant kiddo and quite resilient you’d keep trying to push through but your thorn response you
28 minutes, 41 seconds
would quite quite go within you wouldn’t freeze but you just go within. And so I didn’t quite understand that. So it was getting worse and worse.
28 minutes, 48 seconds
So fast forward to year seven camp. Funny story. Yeah.
28 minutes, 54 seconds
Um well, we started going to that counselor because I was worried about year 17.
28 minutes, 58 seconds
That’s right. And so going on buses, going to camp, going anywhere, you were so frightened of other people vomiting. Was that right?
29 minutes, 5 seconds
Um and again, this is an anxiety thing like it’s a lot of people have it and I was like, “Okay, we’re going to have to support.” So the biggest thing as a
29 minutes, 13 seconds
parent too when things come up and again not every child’s going to go through this at all but we have and I want to talk about it is as a parent just
29 minutes, 22 seconds
support. You can’t fix everything but um but support them and give them what you can to help them guide through it. Don’t
29 minutes, 29 seconds
push it down and go don’t be so silly get on with it. Um it’s like okay this is really affecting your your child’s
29 minutes, 37 seconds
life. What can we do for support? So, we were going to a psychologist to get you to camp and she was lovely, wasn’t she? She was very lovely.
29 minutes, 44 seconds
And she went every week, didn’t we?
29 minutes, 45 seconds
Yeah. So, she was giving you tools and just the week before um so you would go by yourself and um at the end I would
29 minutes, 54 seconds
come in and um you were still quite freaking out and we were like, well, what’s the what’s you know, you’ve got
30 minutes, 1 second
the tools now. What’s your worry? What you what is your worry? and you said, “Oh, you you explain it. You’d watched a
30 minutes, 9 seconds
movie basically.” I can’t even remember what the movie was, but I remember this one specific scene
30 minutes, 17 seconds
and oh, I think it was maybe Stand by Me. I can’t remember. It was like a hot dog eating contest or
30 minutes, 24 seconds
something like that. And they were all eating like hot dogs, like obviously munching them down, not really chewing.
30 minutes, 33 seconds
It just makes you laugh every time.
30 minutes, 35 seconds
That’s so Anyway, I was so worried because I watched this scene cuz this one guy threw up all over
30 minutes, 43 seconds
the table and then the next person looked at it threw up and then everyone in the crowd and everyone next to them were all just throwing up.
30 minutes, 50 seconds
Barama. Barama is what it was called.
30 minutes, 54 seconds
Anyway, I don’t know. I was just so worried. You said it to her and she said, “I’m sorry. I’m so worried that like cuz it’s like a domino effect.
31 minutes, 3 seconds
Sometimes people if you smell vomit sometimes you gag, you know, it makes you feel sick.” And what did she say? She went, “That’s a movie.
31 minutes, 10 seconds
That’s fictional.” And I said, “Be that’s never going to happen.” And I went, “Oh, well, I hope not.” And then camp
31 minutes, 18 seconds
and we got you there. Again, on a parents view, I would think as parents these days, we want to lessen the stress for our kids. I get that and again no
31 minutes, 27 seconds
judgment if a parent would do this. I would really highly recommend do everything in your power to get your child to go to those things. So we did psychology. The teachers at the school
31 minutes, 36 seconds
were amazing. They were aware. Um it wasn’t like we just sent her off and didn’t have um plans, backup plans. Yeah.
31 minutes, 43 seconds
But as a parent when you’ve got that um sort of spots in parenting, I don’t want
31 minutes, 50 seconds
to say control, but from like 0 to 12, 13, 14. Yeah. Well, you still have I don’t want to say control, but you do
31 minutes, 58 seconds
as a parent, you have control. Really try and get them to go to those things with with support because if if if we didn’t make you go or all of the things,
32 minutes, 6 seconds
you wouldn’t have got to the point you are. Even though you’re going to tell the story cuz it was really bad.
32 minutes, 11 seconds
So, no, that we’ve both gone, “No way, that’s a movie. Would never happen. What happened?” Yeah. Well, so the first night was fine.
32 minutes, 17 seconds
I was like, “Okay, this is actually not that bad.” Um, I was also scared about the sleeping situation because remember that one it
32 minutes, 25 seconds
kind of also a meophobia started because I got thrown up on at a sleepover and then I hid in that pantry. Totally and didn’t come out. That was probably
32 minutes, 33 seconds
and that’s anxiety isn’t it? See the thing is I look at why I want to tell the whole story is that you didn’t have any signs of that as a kid at all. Very carefree and whatever. But then as
32 minutes, 41 seconds
hormones start sucky hormones and life and other interactions with other people
32 minutes, 47 seconds
if you have a genetic or hereditary blueprint as we do.
32 minutes, 52 seconds
Sorry from my side of the family not Dave just mine my crazy side. Um then there are times in life that it can get triggered. Yeah.
33 minutes
Again, don’t be frightened of it. Like, okay, oh, that makes sense cuz so and so who’s in that side of the family was like that. So, anyway.
33 minutes, 6 seconds
Anyway, and so yeah, everything was fine. You’d we’d eat dinner, we’d eat all of our meals at in this massive hole, long tables kind of like, you know, camp.
33 minutes, 18 seconds
Anyway, it was you make yourself sick thinking about it.
33 minutes, 24 seconds
No, no, no. It’s like it was the last night cuz we were there for how many nights? Three. Two.
33 minutes, 30 seconds
Three. I think three. Yeah. I had the best time for the first two nights. You did?
33 minutes, 34 seconds
Mhm. It was really fun. Yeah. Anyway, so proud of you.
33 minutes, 37 seconds
Thank you. Anyway, we’re all having it’s all quiz. No, we have dinner first. This is at um Yeah, at night time and we have quiz night afterwards.
33 minutes, 50 seconds
I’m like sitting at the back kind of with all my like friends. went doing quizzes and one by one people start kind of
33 minutes, 58 seconds
standing up and just kind of going to the teachers or walking out going to the bathroom and not coming back for a long time and obviously being hyper sens
34 minutes, 7 seconds
being anxious about it I was like oh something’s going on I was like it just like ping you know my ears stuck up
34 minutes, 16 seconds
anyway it’s really bad and it’s like actually like I started to get I started to freak out a little bit cuz I was Totally.
34 minutes, 24 seconds
Oh my god. And then it was like Chinese whispers.
34 minutes, 26 seconds
Did you had a safe person though, didn’t you? Like teacher. Yeah. Have one of those two parents.
34 minutes, 31 seconds
Yes. Um and there was like Chinese whisperers cuz remember I’m all the way at the back. So it came all the way down. Everyone’s
34 minutes, 38 seconds
like um people are getting food poisoning or they didn’t even know what it was. They didn’t know what it was.
34 minutes, 45 seconds
Um they were like people like there’s so many people throwing up outside. I was like oh no we got to get out of here. I stood I remember I didn’t I sat there
34 minutes, 53 seconds
for a bit like kind of like planning what I should do. Should I stay here?
34 minutes, 57 seconds
If I stay here, will I get trapped in all of it? Like I Yeah, my mom was going. Yeah. Anyway, I walk out.
35 minutes, 5 seconds
Silly decision actually. No, cuz I I couldn’t be in that space cuz it felt like it was also getting smaller.
35 minutes, 12 seconds
Where do you go? Run away.
35 minutes, 14 seconds
And I went to the toilet and like obviously the toilets were filled up. I I know. I went to go to the toilet, but then I was like, “No, can’t go there.”
35 minutes, 23 seconds
So, I went I walked to a um one of the accommodation things, cabin things,
35 minutes, 30 seconds
and there’s like girls in like Yeah. Everyone’s vomiting.
35 minutes, 35 seconds
Yeah. Story out and everyone’s like they’ve got bins, they’ve got bowls, they’ve got buckets, buckets, people on the curb. I was like,
35 minutes, 44 seconds
“Oh my god, this is my nightmare.” I know. And I like I went to that teacher and then she took me up to a house
35 minutes, 50 seconds
um that was like I think it was one of the teachers and that’s when we called and she’s like rung me fish go and I’m like no cuz I thought we’d made it cuz
35 minutes, 59 seconds
you couldn’t make contact with us and what so it’s which is great cuz you know but I was always worried for you and then the teachers rung you mustn’t have been in earshot and she’s like um
36 minutes, 9 seconds
look she’s been really good she’s done really really well um but if I could go home. I would. She
36 minutes, 16 seconds
goes, “Everyone is vomiting. Like there’s vomit everywhere.” I’m like, “Stop it.” But the reason I want to tell that story, we used to joke about that too,
36 minutes, 24 seconds
like you manifest. I was a magnet. You were vomit magnet. I’m sure um but um why I want to tell these stories is that
36 minutes, 32 seconds
so many things like that happened. And as a mom and dad, we would die. I particularly, you know, would be the emotional one like dying inside. Just
36 minutes, 40 seconds
just stay in the little nest. You never have to leave home. But that’s not the right thing to do for your child. It’s just not like you know and so very long
36 minutes, 47 seconds
story short, you ended up getting on anti-anxiety as well. Um you know, but just why I want to share this is don’t
36 minutes, 55 seconds
be frightened. You know, you’re an amazing kid and as parents I’ I’ve heard some parents are really sort of anti- medication and I get that, but like I
37 minutes, 4 seconds
heard a doctor say one time like if your child had type 1 diabetes, would you not give them um insulin?
37 minutes, 11 seconds
Yeah. And look, I’ve never been frightened of medication, but it’s was life-changing. You know, you know, we did you did lots of therapy, um, all
37 minutes, 19 seconds
sorts of things like that, but the really the ADD was the sort of beginning of the snowball of of anxiety and stuff
37 minutes, 25 seconds
like that for sure. And, you know, we didn’t force you force you to do things at times, I don’t think, but we certainly encouraged. Do you feel that
37 minutes, 33 seconds
or in regards to anxiety? Yeah.
37 minutes, 38 seconds
M I think so. There were times where you did get a little like Yeah. Tell us about that.
37 minutes, 44 seconds
You were kind of like grumpy.
37 minutes, 46 seconds
Well, remember when I used to I used to work myself so much stress. Well, anxiety.
37 minutes, 51 seconds
Yeah. But when I was going to sleep Yes.
37 minutes, 54 seconds
And um I would almost like drive myself to like panic attacks and I’d come out
38 minutes, 2 seconds
and like you’d be like, “Okay, it’s okay.” yada yada yada. But then it h kept happening. Did I get annoyed?
38 minutes, 8 seconds
And then you got a bit annoyed. You’re like, Eloise, like come on now. This is See, I didn’t know that.
38 minutes, 12 seconds
Yeah, but you at the time. Yeah, I wasn’t a conscious parent back then. And I wasn’t a sleep expert.
38 minutes, 17 seconds
I know. But then because So now I know that’s the time that everyone wants to talk the kids is when when they go to bed. They need to their parents.
38 minutes, 24 seconds
Also, I didn’t have even my phone or anything. So I couldn’t distract myself.
38 minutes, 27 seconds
But that was little though. You didn’t have a phone then, did you?
38 minutes, 30 seconds
Well, so you were the beginning of that social media [ __ ] [ __ ] show. meaning it had just started. Yeah. You know, like you’d got
38 minutes, 38 seconds
your phone, but we hadn’t really started social media. It wasn’t really a big thing then. Thank the Lord. But it was the beginning of and we were just
38 minutes, 47 seconds
struggling to understand that. But we were very strict on the phone. Oh yeah.
38 minutes, 50 seconds
And poor you. We were strictest with everything. We talked about this on the way home is that every child has a different view of the family. Like over
38 minutes, 59 seconds
time, I’d love to get Molly in the middle child and Izzy who’s 14. um to see their what their view of our family is because every view would be different
39 minutes, 6 seconds
and your dad is very much a stickler for it’s got to be the same for each child.
39 minutes, 12 seconds
Um he’s been severely damaged with his uh his youngest brother getting away with everything.
39 minutes, 19 seconds
Uncle Matt, we joke about that all the time. Get over that, buddy. But he was he used to get so upset that the younger brother got away with everything. And I’m like, but you’re a very different
39 minutes, 28 seconds
parent and person for every single child, you know, and definitely the first child gets the hardest rap. There is no doubt about that.
39 minutes, 36 seconds
I call sorry about that.
39 minutes, 38 seconds
What’s I know didn’t plan to be the first child.
39 minutes, 42 seconds
No, I know. Sorry, but we were, you know, we were talking about this on the way over here and I wanted to not talk about too much to share is that we did what we knew, right? Very loving family.
39 minutes, 52 seconds
you know, your dad was building his business, so he wasn’t home a lot. He, you know, mornings he was whatever. So, I probably was the main person there.
40 minutes, 1 second
Um, and when he was home, it was great, of course. Um, but we just sort of fell into the author,
40 minutes, 9 seconds
no, traditional. So, you’ve got authoritarian, which is the, you know, do as I say, otherwise you, you know.
40 minutes, 16 seconds
Yeah. Well, you didn’t have to do that cuz I just applied as a kid. I know. Molly, not so love Molly. She’s amazing.
40 minutes, 21 seconds
Strong. Love you, Molly. Strong little kiddo. But um we that worked with you.
40 minutes, 26 seconds
Can you do that, Eloise? You go, “Sure.” Well, cuz I thought I had to.
40 minutes, 31 seconds
I know that. But that was so easy to parent.
40 minutes, 33 seconds
I don’t Yeah. Molly and I are just very different. Oh, you couldn’t be any more opposite.
40 minutes, 36 seconds
Oh, yeah. But like in a great way in you, you know, we had to learn how to parent differently with Molly. Like this is the whole thing is
40 minutes, 43 seconds
like why we are here talking about it and why I want you to share your feelings about it because the journey that we’ve been through and you’re in
40 minutes, 52 seconds
such a great place now. It’s so great to see you are your most authentic vulnerable self again and you know again we’ll dive into that a little bit more
41 minutes
but I think it feels like a little bit like yeah we we did it. We all did it as a family and you know our beautiful
41 minutes, 7 seconds
Molly um is a different personality. she her anxiety would come out and fight and again I didn’t understand that and so when you’ve got a kid that so easygoing
41 minutes, 16 seconds
happy kid but when she didn’t get her own way holy moly and so I tried to fix that so the poor kid all I need to do is just
41 minutes, 24 seconds
sit there and wait but I was like oh that’s bad behavior but really it was age appropriate and she was worried and her worry would come out in tantrums
41 minutes, 31 seconds
y you not so much um so with that then sort of hopping into high school a little So, you’ve
41 minutes, 39 seconds
been diagnosed with ADD, you’re medicated for that. That’s actually been life-changing in regards to learning.
41 minutes, 44 seconds
So, like I said, you’re now in university. Um, you’re doing criminology, you I think you’re still wanting to maybe go become a detective or do police work. Not sure.
41 minutes, 54 seconds
But you’ve all AFP, something like that. Anyway, you’ve had to study hard and you’ve done really really well. Um, but the medication, my goodness, is is life changing, isn’t it?
42 minutes, 3 seconds
Game changer, you know. And so for myself, I got medicated in my late 40s just because I wanted to see how it was. But having it
42 minutes, 11 seconds
my whole life and being a businesswoman and you know um three kids and whatever.
42 minutes, 17 seconds
I think the biggest thing with ADD is um our responses to stress meaning some can
42 minutes, 24 seconds
be lose their mind and be angry. Um, some can cry and just be completely emotionally
42 minutes, 32 seconds
devastated, which was me. It was a bit me. So, I just wanted to see what the AD medication and and for me the ADD medication, the way I explain it, it’s
42 minutes, 40 seconds
not like all of a sudden I’m like, ding, I’m on. It’s just like I’m my best brain version because I think with our brains, we’ve
42 minutes, 48 seconds
got so much going on. Um, it can be foggy at times. We’ve got other things as parents, as a mom, you get really over stimulated. Mhm.
42 minutes, 57 seconds
Um, and that’s been able to help. So, what’s your thoughts on on being medicated with ADD medication?
43 minutes, 5 seconds
Well, it just like it helps me actually get going kind of. It’s like a coffee kind of, you know, some people need routinely
43 minutes, 14 seconds
coffees every morning to get up to actually gets you going, to get like get out of bed. Not get out of bed, but like just get out.
43 minutes, 21 seconds
Um, it just helps even with that. And then obviously yeah focusing
43 minutes, 29 seconds
um it also works as um not like a mood boost. Would you call it a mood? Yes, definitely mood booster stabilizer.
43 minutes, 36 seconds
I think it’s a mood stabilizer. Yeah. So when I was getting diagnosed with a psychiatrist and he they find out about your whole life
43 minutes, 44 seconds
for my age. He was saying what happens is women particularly get diagnosed with anxiety and depression but it’s actually ADD.
43 minutes, 51 seconds
I mean I’ve tried to come off my medication but um not the right time.
43 minutes, 55 seconds
Um, but I’m I’m happy to talk about this because I’ve got an incredible life and you know, we’ve worked all worked very hard for it. It’s been up and down. It’s been lots of downs the last six years.
44 minutes, 5 seconds
It’s been really dark and traumatic, which we’ll talk about a bit as well.
44 minutes, 8 seconds
But I want to be that for us, you and I, that hope that, you know, I had a mom from school actually ring this week, not naming names.
44 minutes, 17 seconds
Yeah.
44 minutes, 17 seconds
And she just didn’t realize that I’d gone from just doing sleep, which sleep is still my passion in life, to conscious parenting and parenting.
44 minutes, 24 seconds
somehow anyway having same similarity similar situations as what we had with Molly, right?
44 minutes, 30 seconds
But the child’s 18. So when your child’s 18 going through it, they’re like and you know they can legally do what they want. When your kids are sort of
44 minutes, 39 seconds
15, 14, 15, 16, we still have that that control as parents sort of. Um, but what
44 minutes, 46 seconds
it’s all about is for me is I was able to give support and it worked pretty quickly because it’s about helping us as parents, but to be able to now be on the
44 minutes, 55 seconds
other side and with Molly and I Izzy is that you guys are good, right? You know, again, everything’s not perfect, but we
45 minutes, 3 seconds
had to completely look at things differently as parents. And when you’ve got strong willed kids, which is more like Molly, um you have to parent different than kids that are compliant,
45 minutes, 11 seconds
which kids are compliant can get really down too with if parents are too tough on them because they’re people pleasers. Yeah. And um it gets too much for them.
45 minutes, 20 seconds
So um what I what I saw with your ADD medication is that you were able your grades just got better as well. Yeah, they did. Yeah.
45 minutes, 27 seconds
Just because I was more it was the ones I thrived in that Yeah. That kind of boosted all the way up.
45 minutes, 36 seconds
They were like mediocre like C’s.
45 minutes, 38 seconds
No, you still, but then obviously they boosted all the way up. But then also it kind of just
45 minutes, 46 seconds
like you who said it to me at one time like a yarn ball and but it’s like ones that you can’t find the end of the string. What do you mean?
45 minutes, 52 seconds
Like you know like a little Yeah. A ball of yarn.
45 minutes, 55 seconds
Of yarn or like a That’s your brain.
45 minutes, 56 seconds
Yeah. And you can’t figure out what you’re thinking or anything without the medication.
46 minutes, 1 second
Yeah. Without the medication. But with the medication, it’s kind of like you find a little tail.
46 minutes, 5 seconds
Oh, you get you get what I mean? Someone said that to me.
46 minutes, 7 seconds
That’s a really interesting one, but I never thought about that.
46 minutes, 9 seconds
Yeah. Kind of like that. It kind of of course I’m still going to get distracted.
46 minutes, 14 seconds
Oh, totally. You still get distracted while you 100%.
46 minutes, 18 seconds
Like any Yeah, totally. But it’s more change who you are. Yeah. Yeah. It’s like sandpaper.
46 minutes, 24 seconds
Totally. Especially I think that’s not a good analogy. know, but I think the thing is like your study and things that you have to focus on for me
46 minutes, 33 seconds
with my business and and mood stabilizing um it helps, doesn’t it? Yeah.
46 minutes, 38 seconds
Um so getting into a bit more of the harder times which again, you know, we’ve talked
46 minutes, 46 seconds
about this on 20 talk and stuff like that and I think um for parents that might be listening with pre-teen and teens, uh we really want to be able to
46 minutes, 54 seconds
give them some hope and some support through there. So when you um sort of in your teens and we’ve gone through the ADD and then your that metaphobia with
47 minutes, 3 seconds
that and so that was getting a bit balanced out. So we’re getting into like year 9 10 11 and I it’s it’s probably pretty sad to
47 minutes, 10 seconds
reflect back on but when you know you really started to get down and you know um those sort of dark feelings and that
47 minutes, 19 seconds
that dark times. Is there anything that you wish that we understood a bit better? Did you feel that we dealt with
47 minutes, 26 seconds
it? Okay. Um, and what were the things at that time that supported you? So, what we were seeing as parents is again,
47 minutes, 35 seconds
you weren’t disliked, but you weren’t invited. So, it’s kind of like an exclusion thing, right? And you were different. But what was really sad
47 minutes, 43 seconds
through the ADD and the anxiety and being a little bit different like a drummer and really high level sports, you stopped doing sports, you stopped doing drumming, you know, cuz they were
47 minutes, 52 seconds
calling you names about it and stuff and like we couldn’t do anything about it.
47 minutes, 55 seconds
Like you can’t go to the school and go, they’re teasing her cuz she’s really good at sports. Like so many things happened that led to you feeling so down
48 minutes, 4 seconds
and I don’t know if you know exactly that sort of pattern of how it got there. I think on reflection a lot of it was to feel you were feeling quite
48 minutes, 13 seconds
different and not invited or can you go through that a little bit?
48 minutes, 17 seconds
Um well like as you go into high school it’s a fresh start. Yeah.
48 minutes, 24 seconds
So and you’ve been with all those people forever for so long.
48 minutes, 27 seconds
Yeah. In in pre- primary you’ve grown up with same kids.
48 minutes, 33 seconds
Same kids but then it can be good or bad. Yeah. Yeah.
48 minutes, 36 seconds
Um but it’s like a fresh start. So you’re constantly I wouldn’t say like performing to try
48 minutes, 43 seconds
to like a mask. We call it a mask like not being yourself for the first like probably actually probably up until for me it was up until year 11.
48 minutes, 51 seconds
Oh totally. And I think um sorry to interrupt but that’s in primary school watching you be yourself. Yeah.
48 minutes, 57 seconds
And so carefree with that. That’s why high school was just like whoa. Yeah. So you had to pretend.
49 minutes, 4 seconds
Yeah. Yeah. And obviously you trying to find you don’t know many of those people in
49 minutes, 12 seconds
year seven. So you’re trying to find your group. Yeah.
49 minutes, 14 seconds
But then obvious you also want to be liked and popular and in that you know um having cliche
49 minutes, 22 seconds
heaps of friends. So like quantity over quality. Yeah. Is quality over quantity. You have so many more
49 minutes, 31 seconds
friends and you rather pretend to be who you are. Yeah. which must must feel really hard. I mean, I think I think most teenagers would have to bake it to
49 minutes, 39 seconds
their makeup. Yeah. But you were you were actually noticeably really awesome, but very different. Yeah. And we allowed that.
49 minutes, 48 seconds
We we allowed you meaning you wanted to play drums, of course. You wanted to play um baseball with the boys, of course, cuz you were great at all of
49 minutes, 55 seconds
that sort of stuff. Um but it wasn’t the norm as a girl, was it?
50 minutes
Especially not in that school. No, totally. It was more straightforward. Well, it’s a Catholic.
50 minutes, 7 seconds
I was the only girl in woodwork. I know. And you’re so good at that, too.
50 minutes, 10 seconds
I was another girl in woodwork. But, um, and that as a parent actually killed my soul because you did all the things that
50 minutes, 19 seconds
you would you were brilliant at all of those stuff. You know, you got a you got the top award for sports in year seven and then never played sports again at
50 minutes, 26 seconds
school and then, you know, would work again. So again sharing these stories is you as a par us as a parent cannot
50 minutes, 33 seconds
protect you from the bullying from the it was destroyed your soul basically and the school was lovely like it’s not the school’s fault it’s not even the other
50 minutes, 42 seconds
kids’ fault although I could name names I won’t do it I’m not name I’m not I’m joking I’m just I’m teasing but um you know what I what
50 minutes, 51 seconds
I could see moms doing is that kid did that to my child you know and blaming that child where it’s just so many other
50 minutes, 59 seconds
things and it’s just supporting you through all of that. But, you know, I think that was obviously one of the not
51 minutes, 7 seconds
the beginning, but pieces of the puzzle to be really start feeling down. Yeah.
51 minutes, 12 seconds
And not being able to to hold that mask up and pretend anymore. Yeah.
51 minutes, 16 seconds
Yeah. Well, it’s also like there were friends
51 minutes, 22 seconds
also cuz I was friends with um like quite a few like quite a lot of people.
51 minutes, 30 seconds
Yeah.
51 minutes, 31 seconds
I just felt like I never fit in with certain groups and then so I’ I’d go to
51 minutes, 38 seconds
my music group and then I’d go to Didn’t quite fit in.
51 minutes, 42 seconds
Yeah. And so I’d float around because I just didn’t really And I loved all of them. I loved all of them. I know. And then you’d never got a spot.
51 minutes, 48 seconds
No, but that meant that cuz also again, not really anyone’s fault, but they thought that I was part of their group because you get invited
51 minutes, 56 seconds
per like Yeah. to group events.
51 minutes, 59 seconds
Yeah. And they didn’t No other group’s going to be invited to another group unless you know, it would be someone from another group, but not a whole group.
52 minutes, 5 seconds
Yeah. I I get it. And and that was really tough to watch as well, you know.
52 minutes, 9 seconds
So I floated I floated around. So, this is a tough question to ask and again, if you don’t want to talk about it, we’ll edit this out. Um, but I think it’s an
52 minutes, 17 seconds
important one because it did get to the depths of the worst case scenario for our family. Worst case scenario being that you
52 minutes, 24 seconds
um that you wouldn’t be here anymore, but thank thank the Lord honestly that everything we went through and you’re still here.
52 minutes, 33 seconds
So, during the hardest moments, and it was a long time, it wasn’t just months, it was years. Um uh especially with your
52 minutes, 39 seconds
suicidal thoughts um that were present um again on reflection you would still go
52 minutes, 48 seconds
to school you know you weren’t good your dad was getting a bit frustrated cuz you would come home and I knew you weren’t okay he didn’t understand depression and stuff I knew you weren’t great we were
52 minutes, 56 seconds
trying to get the support but poor you like your dad now just goes oh my god I can’t believe I made her go to school because we didn’t know he didn’t know um but I’d pick you up and
53 minutes, 5 seconds
stuff but you were really behind closed doors, not okay.
53 minutes, 11 seconds
And you know, we won’t go into the depths of the things that we ended up finding out, but you know, this is pretty of a hard question. You might not
53 minutes, 18 seconds
even remember it, but can you sort of um think about those awful times when you felt like you didn’t want to be here
53 minutes, 28 seconds
and either what helped you stay or or what wasn’t helpful for you or Yeah.
53 minutes, 36 seconds
tools for um a young person that’s having those thoughts, what would you sort of say to them?
53 minutes, 45 seconds
Yeah. Well, again, yeah, being in that kind of mindset, you it’s a fog. Totally.
53 minutes, 53 seconds
Cuz yeah, you’re by yourself really lonely.
53 minutes, 58 seconds
Yeah. But also, I can’t really remember a lot from back then, which is And I just remember the feeling, but like the my brain’s blocked it all out.
54 minutes, 8 seconds
But, um, I remember just kind of dealing with it cuz at the start of it, I thought it was normal.
54 minutes, 16 seconds
I thought everyone went through it, but then I had to talk to a friend once and they were like, “No, I’ve never experienced that.” I was like, “Wait, really?” And then I would I would think
54 minutes, 25 seconds
with depression and that severity of depression, you were by yourself in your room. We keep checking on you and stuff like that, but you weren’t sleeping at night,
54 minutes, 33 seconds
which was really bad. Um, and that would have been really bad for your psyche as well. We didn’t know cuz we were going to bed. We were taking your phone from
54 minutes, 41 seconds
you. We were doing what we thought was right as a parent. Um, but you would have been up all night just make thinking worse and worse things, you know. Um,
54 minutes, 49 seconds
and as parents, you can’t sit in there with them. couldn’t sit in there with you, you know, cuz you were what, 15, stuff like that. Um, so
54 minutes, 57 seconds
I we’ve talked about this before and I think it’s really hard as a parent when the child feels really disconnected
55 minutes, 4 seconds
to you, the most important thing is still try and stay connected. Um, but I think what you had mentioned one time is at the depths of darkness, it would be really good to tell a parent.
55 minutes, 14 seconds
Yeah. Is that what you said? Yeah. Well, it’s hard.
55 minutes, 18 seconds
Oh, you didn’t do that. Like we ended up finding out. Yeah, totally. First of all, how’ you react? Totally.
55 minutes, 26 seconds
Second of all, if um like I didn’t want to worry you to the point cuz I in my head I kept telling him I’m fine. I’m fine. You know,
55 minutes, 33 seconds
and then I didn’t want to make it a big deal. Like I didn’t I didn’t I have never really liked attention ever.
55 minutes, 41 seconds
So I just never really I was just like I kind of just grew up yourself. Yeah.
55 minutes, 46 seconds
But it was just it just was this awful awful snowball for you. By the time we found out and we ended up taking you to hospital um you know that was the I
55 minutes, 54 seconds
think I could literally once we saw the the the doctor and they were amazing. I could literally feel you just see your
56 minutes, 2 seconds
body just go oh thank god I’ve been able to tell someone. you know.
56 minutes, 5 seconds
Yeah. But also you found out it’s very different to me coming up and
56 minutes, 13 seconds
telling you. I I don’t really know if I would have. That’s the thing. Which is really hard.
56 minutes, 19 seconds
You would you got to the line of wanting to do it but you stop?
56 minutes, 22 seconds
But was there something that said I can’t do that because of the dog or mom or you know like it was more about what people would think of me.
56 minutes, 30 seconds
Yeah. To be fair. But you just didn’t want to be here.
56 minutes, 32 seconds
That’s the biggest thing, wasn’t it? You just you just it was too hard to be here. That that’s what it really came down to, wasn’t it? Yeah. You know, but um
56 minutes, 40 seconds
Oh, maybe a little Wait, it’s coming back. But Oh, dang it. Stop interrupting me because it’s going to happen.
56 minutes, 50 seconds
Um, but yeah. Well, you can’t really you can’t help someone that doesn’t want
56 minutes, 58 seconds
to be changed or want help. But I wanted to. I just I knew I would wouldn’t I don’t think you would have come to us.
57 minutes, 8 seconds
No. No. Cuz again, I was young.
57 minutes, 10 seconds
But it’s different for older people and it’s different for And again, everyone’s different. But um there can be a lot of
57 minutes, 22 seconds
other ways. You don’t have to just tell a parent. I think that the I think the biggest thing is hope. Hey, like just even help lines and stuff like that, you
57 minutes, 30 seconds
know, like there there are things out there. Patience is virtue.
57 minutes, 34 seconds
Yeah, patience is a virtue. Patience, I don’t know.
57 minutes, 36 seconds
Patience is something else. But like just time totally. Yeah.
57 minutes, 39 seconds
But time is time’s hard and I think Yeah. But it’s also dangerous because the more time goes on, the more Oh, totally. And getting the support.
57 minutes, 46 seconds
You can’t do it by yourself. That’s the biggest thing. I on reflection too when you started to sort of be able to come out of it, you know, you had certain things like you journaled and you um did
57 minutes, 55 seconds
art and and stuff like that that helped a little bit. Yeah.
57 minutes, 59 seconds
And also we got got support and exercise and stuff like that. Um so, you know, I think being through it, going through it was the hardest time of our lives.
58 minutes, 8 seconds
There’s no doubt about that. And and um as a parent, you just want to fix it.
58 minutes, 11 seconds
Um, but just the biggest thing is stay connected to our kids is the most important and don’t have expectations.
58 minutes, 17 seconds
Like going to school and stuff like that. We’re like, who cares at this time? Again, you’re at uni now, so you know. Yeah.
58 minutes, 23 seconds
Um, but yeah, you should be really proud of yourself, you know, and and us as a team. Thank you so much.
58 minutes, 30 seconds
So, if you enjoyed this episode, be sure to leave me a rating and review. I love reading all of your messages, so shoot me a DM over on Instagram. It is parentingcollective.au.
58 minutes, 40 seconds
I also offer a free 15-minute no obligation phone chat. If you’d like to book one, head over to my website www.paringcollective.com.au
58 minutes, 50 seconds
and request one there. So, try to remember to be kind to yourself and always know you’re doing the best you can every day, no matter what your day is looking like. Until next time, much love.
Sync to video time

Real advice on camera

More from the Podcasts

All videos

Parenting Teens | What It Was Like Feeling Different

Parenting Teenagers | Conscious Parenting – A Real, Authentic Conversation with a mum & daughter

SCHOOL: Mainstream vs Homeschooling – How to Choose What’s Right for Your Child

Raise Emotionally Stronger Children with Conscious Parenting

Join the Parenting Collective Mailing List