If you are about to make changes to your little one’s sleep, I want to prepare you for something upfront, because knowing it is coming makes all the difference. Things may get a little louder before they get calmer. For some babies that is a night or two of bigger feelings at bedtime. For others it might be four or five. It has a name, it is normal, and it passes.
What an extinction burst is
If your child has been finding sleep tricky, you have probably built an elaborate settling routine without ever planning to. A feed, a bounce, a cuddle at just the right angle, the dummy popped in, the transfer to the cot timed to the second. And if you try to skip a step, your baby protests, because from their side of the cot, the routine is simply how sleep works.
In behavioural psychology, when a response a child is used to receiving suddenly stops arriving, they do not give up straight away. They try harder. The crying gets louder, the protest more determined, in a completely understandable attempt to bring back the familiar pattern. That temporary escalation is called an extinction burst.
Louder protest is not a sign the change is harming your child. It is a sign they have noticed the change.
Big feelings are allowed here
I want to be really clear about something, because this is where my approach may differ from what you have read elsewhere. Responding to your child through this period is not a failure of consistency. You can be present, offer your calm, and acknowledge their frustration while still holding the boundary you have chosen. Connection and consistency are not opposites. Your child is allowed to have feelings about the change, and you are allowed to stay with those feelings without abandoning the plan.
How to get through it
- Decide once, ahead of time. Choose your approach when you are rested and clear, not at 2am. Whatever you decide, your baby learns fastest when tonight looks like last night.
- Share the load. Tag in your partner, a grandparent, or a friend before you reach your own edge. A regulated parent settles a baby far faster than an exhausted one.
- Watch the trend, not the night. Judge progress across three or four nights rather than hour by hour. The overall direction matters more than any single rough patch.
- Get support if you are stuck. If the burst is not easing after a week, something in the plan usually needs adjusting, and that is precisely what a sleep coach is for.
As hard as those few nights can feel, hold onto this: extinction bursts are temporary. Solid sleep skills are not. On the other side of this short, noisy stretch are years of your little one settling peacefully and sleeping soundly, and a much more rested you.