A mum wrote to me recently with a question I hear all the time. Why can’t I spot my three-month-old’s tired signs? No yawning, no eye rubbing. She goes from perfectly happy to completely undone in a split second, and then it takes forever to settle her. If that sounds like your baby, this one is for you.
The tired signs nobody mentions
When we picture a tired baby, we picture yawns and eye rubbing. But some of the clearest signals are ones parents easily miss: scrunching the nose, pulling at the ears, rubbing the face against your shoulder. As a general rule, anything involving rubbing or pulling around the face means tired. One mum I worked with was convinced her son’s constant nose rubbing was allergies. It was bedtime.
Don’t wait for a yawn. By the time yawning starts, you are often already at the edge of the window.
Some babies push through instead
Here is the part that catches parents out. When some babies start to feel tired, they do not wind down. They wind up. They kick into overdrive: suddenly squirmy, arching, crawling at speed, laughing one moment and crying the next, almost a little manic. That burst of energy is not a second wind. It is a stress response to tiredness, and it is a sign the nap needed to happen a little while ago.
A baby who flips from giggles to tears in a heartbeat is not unpredictable. She is tired, and very good at hiding it.
When there are no signs, watch the clock
If your baby genuinely shows nothing before the meltdown, let their age guide you instead. A three-month-old can typically manage around ninety minutes of awake time before needing sleep again. Awake at 8am usually means winding down for a nap by about 9.30am, whether or not she looks sleepy. These windows are a guide rather than a rulebook, and they stretch as your baby grows, but they are remarkably reliable in the early months.
Too soon beats too late
If you are unsure, put your baby down a little early. A calm baby often drifts off faster and more gently than an overtired one, and the worst outcome of going too early is a few quiet minutes in the cot. The worst outcome of going too late is a cortisol-fuelled battle at bedtime.
Watch your child’s individual cues, keep one eye on the clock for the babies who do not show any, and you will find yourself ahead of the meltdown far more often than behind it.